Sensitive, the Novel

The driving rain today on the heels of yesterday’s warmer weather and the bitter cold that preceded it reminds me that nature is always changing. Here in New England, we are coming to the end of one of our beautiful transitional seasons, autumn. Of course, the autumn season is different for each of us, but, for me, it is a favorite. In a typical autumn, our household would be moving from the long, slow days of summer to new school and after-school routines, and our days would be filled with a rush of activity. Free moments would be spent on some of our favorite autumnal excursions: apple picking, corn mazes, harvest fairs, walks in the woods. But always around this point in the year, there also exists a draw to go inward, pull out the warm blankets and fuzzy socks and read, snuggle, craft, bake, and rest.  This has not been a typical autumn, though, has it? For us, it has been a long and largely indoor time as we follow pandemic protocols. The children have all been doing remote sc...

In this moment, I am safe and I have all that I need. There are two statements, repeated as chants, prayers, or mantras, that have helped me through significant times of trouble, hardship, and anxiety. The first one is: In this moment, I am safe and I have all that I need. I have taken this mantra from mild annoyance in traffic to sheer terror waiting for the anesthesia to kick in ahead of cancer surgery and everything in between.  In this moment, I am safe and I have all that I need. It can be hard, in times like these, where there is a perceived need to buy 24 jumbo packs of toilet paper and ten bags of flour, to feel like we have all that we need. But, truly, from moment to moment, if I check in, I find - most times - that I am already full, already abundant, already bountiful.  Sometimes, like now, under advice to maintain social distancing, in the house that I share with my spouse, my dog, and my three children, I add on to this phrase: In thi...

Cancer Makes a Very Bad Beginning to a Story Four years ago, I begged my dentist to do a biopsy on a sore that had been growing on my tongue for several months. He was reluctant, certain that my insurance would not pay for the procedure and just as certain that there was no way the sore on my tongue could be anything but benign. "Just wear your mouth guard; I'm sure you are chewing on your tongue in your sleep," he reassured me as he ushered me toward the exit. I went home, and I wore my mouth guard at night, but the sore got worse, not better. I started to lose weight because it hurt so bad to eat. I went back to the dentist and demanded that he give me a referral to an oral surgeon. The oral surgeon gave me the same run around when I saw her and asked her to perform the biopsy. I told her I would pay out of pocket, that I really needed the peace of mind of knowing that the sore was benign. She did the biopsy. She took a large chunk out of my tongue. She put in three st...

This is Just Another Moment, Just Another Now - A Practice As many are preparing to ring out the old, ring in the new, our practice reminds us that this, too, is just another moment in a string of nows that make up a life. No need to change anything, no need to resolve to be different, no need to add on to our natural tendency to regret, replay, relive the past or to worry about, fret over what might be ahead. Ultimately, they are all just moments; as Ram Dass said, "If you live fully in the present, [even] death is just another moment." And yet, as we turn the virtual page on our virtual calendars, we have this natural tendency to reflect and plan. We recently have begun using sankalpa (heartfelt intentions) in the public classes that I have been leading. I think that these speak nicely to this tendency that crops up this time of year - to resolve to be better. Sankalpa differ from new year's resolutions in two important ways. New year's resolutions often are st...

Yoga has a history spanning centuries which includes its practices being used by people in power to further their own agendas. Today's yoga has so many branches, lineages, and teachers, that one could find yoga to suit any individual's interests, preferences, and agendas: yoga and chocolate, yoga for athletes, yoga and beer, or yoga with goats are a few that come to mind. On the surface, today's yoga still has an image problem - the people who are seen doing and teaching yoga are still presented as being largely white, upper class, thin and able-bodied with bodies that are somehow both bendable and strong. Yoga promises relaxation, lowered stress, ease and calm. But yoga today has the potential to be so much more. Yoga for decades in the west was practiced to find inner peace and greater ease in the body. People came to yoga to "bliss out", and the practice involved a significant amount of navel-gazing. If we each individually could find our own peace, then the ...

I spent the last month doing a deep dive into my thoughts and feelings on a beloved American classic and reading new articles that have come out about it thanks to the success of the new Broadway adaptation. What I have to say about it is going to upset some people. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee is considered one of the great works of American literature. Long woefully wanting of celebrated female authors, the American canon kind of needs Harper Lee's inclusion just to have a female voice. Scout was a compelling female main character, and certainly she spoke to me as a child since we shared some characteristics - both young tomboys who were left pretty much to our own devices in backwards small Southern towns that time had forgot. My children will be reading To Kill a Mockingbird in their eighth grade classes soon. It is still taught alongside other old classics. They will study Of Mice and Men and have studied The Outsiders. These pieces are read still because we want ou...